Calvin
O Holy Lord! O Lord of loving-kindness! We stray about thy dwelling, longing to behold Thy beauty, and loving all Thy ways. We are hapless, lowly, and of small account. We are paupers: show us mercy, give us bounty; look not upon our failings, hide Thou our endless sins. Whatever we are, still are we Thine, and what we speak and hear is praise of Thee, and it is Thy face we seek, Thy path we follow. Thou art the Lord of loving-kindness, we are sinners and astray and far from home. –’Abdu’l-Bahá
We buried our eldest son a week ago. He was 28 years old, and had been ill for a week. He passed away suddenly but peacefully. This post will be the first of several, as I gather and collect my thoughts, now that I’m finally able.
Cal came to stay with us on the Nez Perce Reservation this spring after an unsuccessful job search in Portland, Oregon. He was hired by the Clearwater River Casino and Resort, a Tribally-owned enterprise, and eventually was on a full-time schedule as a cook. Thus began a long-awaited turnaround: after the breakup of his marriage and a few years of severe depression, Calvin was expressing happiness. He hung out with his little brother Evan (who was home with him when he died); he talked with his mother often; and she was able to be with him. He felt needed. His boss really liked him and his work.
Then, suddenly, he was gone. Cousins were here within minutes. The Rez community knows what it’s like to lose loved ones too soon, and they don’t want anyone to go through it alone. The Bahá’is were not far behind.
Then we found what an impact Calvin had on his friends. He had toured for three years with the Wildfire Dance Theatre, a troupe of young Bahá’is in Canada, who hailed from not only Canada and the United States, but also Spain, New Zealand, Iran, France, Scotland, Japan. . . He met his wife in Wildfire. The experience generated many deep and lasting friendships, which became apparent to us when the tributes began flooding in. Some of these friends we had met and come to love; others were new to us, but they all wrote of his loving generosity, his desire to serve, his quiet steadfastness and unifying influence. They initiated a 24-hour prayer circle, in which friends all around the world participated. Some of them came for the funeral from Saskatoon, Calgary, and Toronto. The tributes of many others were read at the funeral.
This is where Facebook becomes a really powerful tool. Leslie kept in communication with everyone, pretty much in real time. I’m still amazed. I guess this is how she kept herself together, but the fact is that I am in awe of her strength throughout this whole time. She would feel rage or extreme grief or guilt and would go pray. In a few minutes she would be back doing what needed to be done. I’ve managed to function by keeping busy, but I’ve spent a good amount of time just kind of feeling lost. I can’t imagine really what is going on with Evan. He and his brother Edward are going through Cal’s few belongings; together they chose songs for a CD compilation Ed made as part of the funeral program. In his death, Calvin has brought out good things in us. This by itself is a good legacy.